SUNDAY 119

Time: 17:18
Place: Home

Another okayish week. On Monday I got to know that I got rejected from Wells. The manager apparently did not like my attitude. In retrospect, I can understand why he felt that way. I now understand that it doesn’t serve my purpose by being completely frank in job interviews. In other news, the Mrs. did not receive any calls.

Amazon will not be calling me this month. I am not expecting any other calls this month. I have to get down to work now. I have wasted the last couple of months. I have to complete the RAC certification by end of this month. I have a 10 day engagement with Fidelity coming up. I don’t know how much time that will end up taking. I have to start accepting the fact that I might be stuck at Oracle for some time to come and I have to learn the most from any new work that comes up.

I visited Tirumala on the weekend along with Friends. Though tiring, it was a good trip. I have made plans to visit Hyderabad this month end. I will staying there for a week.

After a lot of consideration, I agreed to the SA trip. It is going to be a costly trip and it not something I can truly afford right now. I may not have friends ready to tour with me when I do have the money for the tour though. I used Mr. B’s credit card for the flight tickets. The international tickets cost me 48638 (54042-10%) and the domestic tickets cost me about 9000.

 

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SUNDAY 118

Time: 16:30
Place: Home

A long weekend this week. Didnt do a lot of productive work but spent some quality time with friends. Mr. B gave a treat yesterday at Windmills. It was fun. The gang have planned for a trip to South Africa in October. They want us to come too. I would like to go but I can’t afford the trip right now.

Wells Fargo didn’t get back to me. I will send them an email tomorrow and ask them about what is going on. The Mrs got a call for interview with Accenture. The interview might be scheduled in the coming couple of weeks. I hope it goes well for her.

OCM shadowing is about to start in the coming weeks. Its becoming very difficult to deal with now. I haven’t done much work with  Mercedes too this past few weeks. It is going to catch up on me very soon. I really need to get my act together fast.

4 day workout week. I did a good lower body workout yesterday after a long time. Legs really sore right now but its nice to get back in the groove. I need to make a 5 day workout week next week.

SUNDAY 117

Time: 09:04
Place: Home

An up and down week. I was stuck in the escalation with iQor till Monday. Tuesday was a holiday and I visited Nellore for the wedding on Wednesday. I received a call on Wednesday from Wells Fargo. They wanted to do a manager round. I attended the interview on Friday and it went well.

The problem with Wells Fargo is that the work is not that great. Its mostly going to be maintenance work on Exadata machines. The other problem is the location of the work. I can choose between Bangalore and Hyderabad but I cannot change my location once I join. That makes planning our logistics very difficult. Do I join in Bangalore and commit to being here for the next 2 years at least. Or do I join in Hyderabad in leave the Mrs. here to fend for her own.

There are some positives though. At least its not L1, L2 work. They are building a team and are planning to go up to 20 from the current 5. It would be good to join such a team. They are migrating several applications onto Exadata. This means that there is going to be a lot of work in the coming 2 years. Good job security.

I wish there were more options for me to choose from. I feel as if I am standing with my 2 feet on 2 separate boats, and the boats are moving in different directions. The escalation over the last weekend would not have happened if I had been focused on my work. OCM work will start sooner or later and I will need to get ready. I don’t have the time to dilly-dally.

I had a long discussion with the Mrs. today. We talked about what we should do if Wells did end up giving me an offer. It would be a difficult decision to make, so I gave her a week to make up her mind.

Meanwhile, I will spend as of time as possible this week preparing for the last technical round in Wells.

SUNDAY 116

Time: 10:04
Place: Home

I’m back. 4 months after my last Sunday post. 9 Months into my marriage. I am back to regularly writing the Sunday posts. Hopefully.

Continuing the theme of being stuck from the last post. I have had some time to reflect on my situation. It has been almost 2 months since I posted my resume to companies. I managed 2 referrals, one of which went to interviews. There has been no progress whatsoever.

There is only so much I can do. There is no point in being hard on myself and feeling down.  I need to accept my situation and adapt to the framework. It does not however mean that I abandon all ambitions. I need to be prepared for any opportunities that come my way as well.

So what’s my situation?

It’s been tough financially. Me and the Mrs have just 40K balance in the account. The Mrs. has completed paying off her marriage loans this month but will need to start paying her Education loan starting next month. At this rate it seems like I would end the year with net savings of 1L. I can’t even use that to pay advance for my next place if I move.

About moving: There would be no moving. I have been grumbling about having to stay so far away and having to spend so much time travelling to the office. I need to get used to the fact that I will be staying in the same place the rest of this year at least. No furniture as well. Living with minimal comforts doesn’t really bother me. I have lived this way for a long time.

Work: OCM work will start eventually. I will need to put in a lot of effort to scale up. That will affect the amount of time that I have for self skill development and to stay fresh for interviews.

So:
1. Budget is tight.
2. I stay in the same shitty place.
3. I struggle at work.

Looking at the bright side:
1. I will still end up with 10L in total career savings by end of this year. Most of them are immovable assets but they still count.
2. Its not so bad. Its quiet and breezy and not smelly.
3. I got an outstanding rating so I should get a promotion and a raise. Also Oracle is doing good relatively so its not a bad place to be at right now.

So the framework. How do I best utilize my time to continue a good career, and to stay happy?

The chat that I had with Chaman had some benefits. I am off the hook for this month at least. I can put off travelling to OTP for the rest of this month. I can continue travelling to PTP. I have a good opportunity to sit with the Apps folks and to learn from them. It will definitely do good to my career. I have reached saturation with regards to database certifications anyway. Adding Apps certifications will go a long way in improving my career and employability.

So I have a 3 pronged strategy: I spend time on OCM, Interviews and Apps. With regards to interviews, I think its best I do test cases every day. Working on test cases will give me real experience. 3 hours on each should keep me busy this month. It will not be easy however. Maintaining focus on 3 different things at the same time is very challenging. I have never done it in my life. I will get mentally fatigued and frustrated. I will once again use this journal as a medium to vent my frustration and to track and motivate myself.

Jai ho!

Stuck

I am coming back to writing in this journal after 4 months. I did feel the need to write more often during this time, but did not want it enough to actually invest the time.

This Journal has been my solace during difficult times. It kept me going when I had little control over other aspects of my life. It helped me deal with loss, disappointment and depression. And now I am back. Why?

I have been married for 8 months now. Life was progressing at a decent pace till recently but has come to a grinding halt now. I need change in life. I cannot bear being the same or doing the same things day in and day out.

I have these plans that I make up in my mind. I have a need to implement those plans. When factors external to me stop me from doing what I want to do, I feel helpless and unhappy. I am in such a state right now.

I don’t feel settled where I am right now. I do not like the home that I stay in. I having been planning to move out from a while now. But move where? I wanted to move to Hyderabad. My “grand” plan was that the Mrs. would get a job in Hyderabad and then I would take a transfer from Oracle and then we would move to Hyderabad and live happily for ever.

That didn’t happen. Its been 4 months and the Mrs. hasn’t received a single call. I have pushed her till the point where it affected our relationship. She says she is trying. I don’t see any results so I don’t know if she is trying enough. But there is no way for me to know. I can only rely on what she tells me. And what she tells me is that either there or no jobs for her experience or she doesn’t have the time to prepare for interviews.

At one point I decided to stop pushing her and instead focus on myself. I wanted to change my own job and then look at what we could do about hers. For 4 weeks I worked hard to prepare for interviews and I applied to all the good companies. I am yet to receive a single call.

I can’t change my job and she can’t change her job so we are stuck where we are. Its not just the location that is the problem. We need more money. We need the raise in salary that a job change will bring us. We have too many loans right now and no savings. I want to live a better lifestyle but I need more disposable money to do that.

I have dealt with much worse before. The real challenge is with my work. I don’t have good work left to do in Oracle. I am not interested in the work that is going to come. I have been pretty much idle these last 2 months. The idle time is affecting my thinking and making things even worse.

I think the symptoms of my ailment match mid life crisis. Mid life crisis at 28?  That is too bad.

So what can I do to deal with this phase of my life?

I think the first thing I should focus on is my life. I feel good about myself when I am fit. I am not fit right now. I have averaged one day in the gym for the last few months. I need to do better than that.

What else can I do better?

Buenos Aye 2 Day 0,1

I made it to the shores of Argentina in one piece. The travel was extremely tiring. All sorts or body parts started acting up and aching. I managed to arrive at the hotel without a lot of hassle, thanks to the cab service that Oracle arranged for me.

Ordered room service to have diner and then slept off. Checked emails before going to bed and found out that the next couple of days are holidays because of easter.

Day 1 was bad. Dropped my phone in the morning and the screen cracked. It will cost me a lot to get the screen replaced. Had a heavy breakfast in the morning which did not digest until the evening. Skipped lunch and ended up eating cookies throughout the day. In the evening went to bed with the intention of waking up after couple of hours. Ended up waking up at 12:30 pm. Had to order room service again.

Buenos Aye 1

I will be flying to Buenos Aires (Hopefully) next week on what will be my first work visit out of station. The fact that my first work visit out of station is in fact an international trip puts me in a spot of bother but that can be dealt with. Why spot of bother you ask?

  1. Because I have never been on a consulting visit and don’t know what to expect.
  2. The fact that its an international visit to a place where the locals speak an unfamiliar language.
  3. Because I have never been away from home for an extended period for work before.

I mentioned that I am hoping to travel next week. The flight tickets have been booked and I will receive my passport tomorrow and the people receiving me are looking forward to it. The only problem has been my health. I have had a bout of viral fever that is refusing to go away and leave me in peace. Its been 3 weeks now and I haven’t recovered properly till now. As of this moment, I am in no condition to suffer through a long haul. Neither am I in any shape to perform 100% at work. I have 4 days left to recover. Hopefully I will.

 

SUNDAY 115

Time: 12:39
Place:Home

So it seems that I have finally recovered from the bout of viral fever. After 7 days of continuous fever, I didn’t have any yesterday evening. Lets hope its the same today also.

I booked tickets for the Argentina trip. I will start on the 12th of Apr and will return on the 10th of May. Oracle is giving me allowance of 10K to buy clothing that I might need for the travel. I have bought a leather jacket online. I have another 4K to spend.

SUNDAY 114

Sunday post returns as promised after 4 week hiatus.

Sunday post on Wednesday as I was travelling on Sunday and haven’t been well these days. I cant remember the last time when I was sick for this long. Seems like I have been suffering from Viral fever. The symptoms were confusing in the first couple of weeks as there was no fever. Just mild headache. The fever started 3 days back. I have been on medication for about a week now.

I hope I get better soon as these have been frustrating weeks. I have struggled with food during this period. Normally I am not a great fan of the Mrs.’s cooking but the last few days have been specially difficult. Added to that her complete ignorance on how to care for the sick. I guess it has been difficult for her as well.

I had to attend a visa interview at the Argentinian embassy. It went well and I should have the passport with me sometime next week. That is the one positive thing to happen during this whole month. I would not be looking back at this march with any fondness.

Other bad stuff happened. Sis in law had to get another surgery. It seems the surgery that was done last year was unsuccessful. Bro has been under considerable stress. And he doesn’t talk to me about it so often I don’t know the complete picture. The fact that Bro has had to foot the bill for an expensive surgery means that he is not as financially secure as he would like to be right now. He knows that the problem with Sis in law will last her lifetime so he will need to be ready to make a lot of expense in the coming years. He wants support and understanding in these difficult times.

The least I can do is to help him financially. I have decided that when dad’s money comes, I will limit my claim to 5L. I sat and did some calculation the other day. With 5L from dad, I should be able to pay off all my loans by the end of this year. I am not happy about it but what can I do. When shit happens, you suck it up and deal with it. At least I don’t have to explain my financial situation to the Mrs. A little hard work over the next year and I should have 10L pooled in by the end of the year. With 10L in my hands, I can start thinking of buying a flat in 2019.

With me being sick the whole of the last week, I haven’t made a lot of progress on my mental state. Need to work more this week and the next.

March-y blues

2 years.

That is how long I religiously cataloged my life in this forum. Called them the Sunday posts I did.

3 Months.

Of marriage is all it took for me to stop writing.

Now to blame the Mrs for my tardiness is not fair. Its not like she has been hogging all my time. Since I have no work to do in the office, I am pretty much free these days. What ends up happening is that since I am very busy on Saturdays either working or doing chores or something else, Sunday is the only day that I have to give to the Mrs. The Mrs does not like it when I do not give her attention on Sunday.

All that still does not explain my tardiness. I could still write the posts on Mondays or Tuesdays. In the past I would look forward to the Sunday to write my post. These days I can go the entire week without thinking about it and not even realize that I missed it. I think the Sunday posts have lost their relevance in my life.

What drove me to take up that exercise in the past and why is it not relevant now?

I think the Sunday posts were a way for me to deal with my problems and anxieties. Those were difficult days. It was important for me mentally to know that I was moving forward in life. One way to do that would be to write a journal every week and detail in it what I did for the week and what I planned to do for the coming weeks. It made me feel organized and feel good.

Post marriage life has been better for me. Most of those anxieties and pressures gone. They have been replaced by other things but I am able to handle them. So now I don’t feel the need of a journal.

I also think that I have got too caught up in life nowadays so my attention span has reduced. Writing needs focus and I haven’t been able to do that. Even this post has been difficult to write. I get distracted every 5 mins. I took a 4 hour break after the first couple of lines. The Mrs keeps telling me about this. I may even be facing the effects of having such a hectic life. I have had a constant dull headache for the past couple of weeks. Research in google points towards stress as the leading cause of such a condition.

The real reason the Sunday posts lost their meaning in my life is because the underlying objective has been achieved. I wrote the journal as a way to help deal with the loneliness that I felt before marriage. Now that I am no longer lonely, I don’t need the journal.

I need the journal.

I may not be lonely but I have other problems in life. Like the one right now where I am incapable or relaxing for even a short period of time. I need the journal to track the progress I am making while I deal with the problem. And that is how it should go in the future as well. There will always be problems in life so I will need to take the help of the Journal to deal with the problems.