Future

A Letter to Sridhar – 2017

one-year

 

To,

Sridhar Reddy
Aged 28 years 9 months

Hey pal, its me. You from the future.

28 years and 9 months old huh. When did I become so old? If it goes this way, in no time I will turn 30.

How is it going? How is the Mrs. How are the kids (I hope for your sake that there are no kids and none on the way)

I expect the next year to be a turbulent time. I have put in some effort to get to know the person that I am marrying. I expect over a period of time, you would have learnt even more. I will describe her according to what I understand of her at the moment. Given the more intimate relationship you would have built up over time, you can reflect on whether I am right.

Swathi is a simple girl. She has seen difficult days so she isn’t very demanding in life. The men she has seen in her life haven’t made an effort to set any good standards, so she loves me simply because I am better than them. That does not mean that she is happy with everything I say or do. I am not the most emotionally intelligent guy around. I can be brash and insensitive at times. Still she puts up with me and loves me.

I have pushed her a little these past few months. I might have said or done things that made her uncomfortable. I wanted to see how she would react. So  far, she has not resisted my approaches, she has fought to overcome her inhibitions. In the process, she has got to know me very well.

Now that I think about it, it is interesting how each of us have approached each other and built our relationship. I don’t know if it was because of the difference in our sex, or because of our different backgrounds. She started liking me based on my behavior and actions. For me however, the emotional attachment did not start until there some intimacy involved.The more time we have spent with each other and the more intimate we have become, my liking of her has increased to the point that I might be falling in love.

What are my expectations for marriage? I know enough about marriage to realize that we need to find things that we both like doing, and spend time doing those things. Intimacy and sex alone will not for the base of a happy marriage. I will need to make sure that I give her enough attention. She should not feel like she is allotted a slot in my time table.

Am I rigid? I know that I am a control freak. When and why did I become this way?

The last few weeks have also been interesting in how I have come to understand more about myself. In the last few years, I have felt the need to have something to look forward to at all times. I have often set goals for myself and have tried to achieve them. I have faced several failures, some traumatic. Failures at the marathons taught me that I need to plan every step of the way and that I should not allow myself to make mistakes. It is probably this thinking that caused my subconscious to obsessively plan every step of the way for the things that I set out to do.

Planning is not a bad thing in itself. No person incapable of planning and executing actions has gone on to achieve anything. Planning becomes bad when one becomes obsessive about it and stops enjoying the present. It can also be a source of irritation for the surrounding people.

Given this new insight about my own thinking, I have started to take it easy these days. I have realized that there cannot be only one thing that I look forward to. I need to have several projects in my hand to distribute my focus among different things and to give my mind some breathing space. How are you dealing with it? It must be even more difficult for you given that you do not have a marriage to plan for. I hope you are not driving the Mrs. crazy.

The 10 weeks left for the marriage seem to be going to0 fast and somehow not going fast enough at the same time. How was the experience for you? Did you have fun? Did the budget cross your limits? Were there any problems?

I want to know about the fun you have had. The places you have visited and the memories you have collected. Do write back to me on your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Reply to Sridhar – 2015

one-year

To,

Sridhar Reddy

Aged 26 Years 9 months.

Hey Pal. It’s me, you from the future.

I read the letter you wrote to me today. You signed off by saying that at the core, what makes me, me is the same as what makes you, you. You asked me if I agreed.

My answer is yes and no. At the core, we both might be the same, but the way we handle ourselves and the way we go about life will change as you age.

You asked me if I got married. I am engaged at the moment and will get married on Nov 25th. My fiance is called Swathi and she is a fine woman. I am  quite looking forward to the marriage.

I did not get to do the Europe trip. Uttam and Mr. Chick are planning do go there in October. Instead I went to the U.S. This trip along with the marriage will be the highlights of 2016 for me. It was a fantastic experience and I am proud of the way I made it happen. It all started when bro decided that he will get the visa done for dad. He asked me to get a visa too, just in case I am in a situation to accompany him on the trip. I thought it wasn’t a bad idea so when Ram Bava visited India in Feb, I put in a little effort and got the visa processed.

Once the visa was done, the next step was planning for the trip. At first I thought that I will make the trip if dad’s money comes. But that kept getting delayed (It still hasn’t come). I asked dad to make the trip but he refused saying that he has to wait for the money to come. In hindsight, it was probably the right decision. I thought about whether I wanted to make the trip alone. I was reluctant because I did not have the money. In one of my conversations with Aditya, he mention that if it was a question of money, he could contribute and that I could pay him back later. That made me think of the Kashmir trip and I decided that I would do this one.

Bro booked the tickets. Along with the tickets, he probably had to shell out a further 600$ for my trip. Overall, including the visa, the trip cost me about 1,40000. It was a great trip.

I did pretty well with Sridhar 2.0 too. I changed my regimen in the gym and got very god results from it.I am moderately fit now and am training for the bangalore marathon. I changed my dressing and became a twice a week shaver for a few weeks. More of the same please.

To do or not to do.

“Things almost always never turn out the way you expect them to”

A quote by your’s truly. It’s something I repeat to myself at least once everyday these days. While the wisdom behind the words have held me in good stead over the years, I wonder if this line of thinking makes me a cynic.

We dream and we day dream. We fantasize about a future yet to come and convince ourselves it will be very different from the past. Is it any good though?  I know deep down that the future will not be the way I expect it to be. So I think it’s good that I stop myself from fantasizing.

What kind of life will it be when one does not hope and dream? Specially for someone like me whose mental state is shaky at best, am I protecting myself from disappointment? If I had to describe myself as one among the following, what would I choose?

Optimistic, Practical, Pessimistic, Cynic.

** Thinking for 5 mins **

I don’t have an answer. I would like to think that I am a practical person but I am not. I am not pessimistic either. I am definitely not a cynic all the time. I think my outlook depends upon the context.

Take Bala’s marriage for example. It makes me feel uneasy. The couple obviously love each other so I should think that they will do fine. The girl’s volatility and impulsiveness makes me wonder how the couple will handle difficult times. Why can’t I just hope for the best? Why can’t I look at their happiness now and think that it will last?

My quest to get married is throwing some interesting challenges my way. There have been 2 cases that I have considered seriously. Both have been a thought experiment for me. I would be the first to admit that nobody can be perfect. I would give every person I meet generous leeway. Both the cases have pushed me to think about what would be reasonable. In Ms. Telugu Medium’s case, it was a combination of the girl’s and her parents shortcomings that made me decide I did not want them. In Ms. Swati’s case however, from the data that I have so far, I am happy about the girl. The deal with the family is bad though.

Dad is very generous in his evaluations of people. Even he sounded unenthusiastic about this family. He might reason it by saying he needs to get the money first, but I know him well enough to know what is going on in his mind. He is not convinced. And if he is not convinced, I will definitely not be convinced. But it the girl turns out to be very good, can I compromise about the family?

It wont be a small deal. A carefree father is a burden to his child and this father will be a burden as long as he lives. I will have to bear some amount of responsibility. It’s not like I’m not up for it though. If Swati is worth it, I will handle all the shit that I can. And that’s the deal. I don’t know if Swati is worth it. I may not know if I speak to her. I may not even know an year into marriage, in case I marry her.

Situations like these call for a leap of faith. These are also moments when I consider the people who find love lucky. They know more or less what they are getting into.

What should I do?  Should I push and make it happen? Will Swati end up in my negative portfolio? I don’t know.

I have an idea. One can get a good estimate of a person when you push them into doing things they don’t like. So that’s what I am going to do. I will ask dad to tell Janardhan uncle that I want to meet the girl alone. If they agree, let’s see what happens. If they don’t, so be it. Ms. Swati will not get to be Mrs. Ravula

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A letter to Sridhar – 2016

one-year

To,

Sridhar Reddy

Aged 27 years 9 months.

Hey pal. It’s me. You from the past. How’z it going?

One year is not so long a time. Its 12 months. 52 weeks. And yet when I try to imagine you, I can’t. Such is the turbulence in human life that I am not even 100% sure if I will be alive 12 months later. What can I say to you when I don’t know you and am not sure if you will read this.

You will read this. And I do know you. You are me, an year older. A little wiser, a little poorer, married(maybe), happier(maybe). The core of what makes you, you will be the same as what makes me, me. All this leads me to the question.. what am I?

I am a 26 year old man with per-maturely greying beard, with a father about whom I think I am worried about, but in reality I am not. I am just about figuring out what I want with my career. I am lonely, but otherwise content with myself. I still stop myself from remembering the memories from Mom’s death. I shy away from watching or reading anything that has to do with romance because it makes me feel lonely. I work hard, and I try to make my time count. I am inherently lazy, but by being organized and methodological, I get most things done. I have a confidence now, a purposeful stride as I walk. I keep my back straight and my shoulders drawn. I am dignified, yet simple. I don’t crave attention and look down on people who do.

I will not do in this post what I have done in my previous posts. No ratings, no data gathering. This year I want to write philosophy.

I want to build an aura about myself. I want people to look at me and be impressed. The way I influence one’s judgement of me will be by what I wear, what I say, what I do and by how I look. Starting this week, I will start shaving twice a week. After 9 years of once a week shaving, I will try to have at all times a cleanly shaven face. This will be to hide the grey hairs in my beard, the sure signs of aging. My body will also have to be maintained. I hate being fat and feeling fat. I will dedicate myself to fitness in the coming year and will have an even tighter control on my diet.

Reading between the lines what I have written above, I can feel a pattern emerge. The thing that worries me the most now is not my career, not dad, not money. It’s aging. I want to concentrate my efforts in the next year to reverse the process of aging. I am not sure if this is just a phase for me. Looking at it from an external perspective, such a feeling might seem silly. Nevertheless this is something I feel very strongly about right now.

The other aspect of my aura will involve what I say. I think I am pretty dignified in my speech. But I can improve the content. Which means I will need to improve my knowledge. I will work hard to learn more at work and to prove my skillset. I will start reading again. Good books, not vampire novels shit.

I think I am always pretty well dressed, but I should be able to improve.

So this is my goal for the next 1 year.. to look better, to talk better and to do better. To build and image, and then to sustain that image.

I call the above effort Sridhar 2.0. How did I do?

Let me come back to Sridhar 1.0 mode for the rest of the post.

I completed the Malaysia trip last week. It was a good trip, but it was so hectic that the fact that I was in international waters did not really sync in. I have made up my mind to do a Europe trip sometime in late Feb with Uttam and Chick. I will ask Aditya, Pogo and Prateek if they want to come. Did I get to do the trip? If I didn’t then I hope there is a really strong reason.

The biggest thing that I have been trying and failing from stopping myself from asking (screw grammar in this sentence) is: Did you get married? How was the experience. In 12 months I expect you to be married. If you are not I must say I will be disappointed. Not with myself particularly, there are factors here that are out of my control, but with life in general. For some reason, at this stage of my life, marriage seems really important to me. Has this feeling changed for you?

Marriage is such a big unknown as it involves a person you know almost nothing about. There are false expectations that will not be met. The constant in this turmoil is you so it is important that you continue to do the things that make you happy. That will be being Sridhar 2.0

Everything else aside, at the core, what makes you, you will be the same as what makes me, me.

Do you agree?

A Letter to Sridhar – 2014

one-year

To,

Sridhar Reddy,

Aged 25 years 9 months.

Hi pal. It’s me. You from the future.

The first question you had asked me was how’s my life going.

I can tell you with complete honesty that my life is rocking right now. I completed my first international trip last week and it went great. My work is good, I am healthy and am mentally in a good place right now. Things can still be better though.

When I was you, I was hoping Bro would get married soon. I would like to tell you that he did get married and is living happily right now. He was lucky to get a smart and capable gal who is also sensible and caring. Not a package you find very often. I know you wanted to do the Malaysia trip that was planned in Feb. That would have been an even better trip than the one I just completed. I didn’t get to go because of the marriage. I don’t have any regrets though.

Marella left for the U.S few months back. I am currently living with Bala, Chick and Puri. Bala is currently going through an interesting phase in life. He may be married by the end of the year.

What have I done in the last 12 months. What memories are the most prominent?

I think I have grown a lot as a person. Bro’s marriage was a big moment in my life. I learnt a lot about life in that time. Work has been great till now. I have worked hard to improve my skills and I can confidently say that I am contributing a lot to the team now. Marella leaving left me a little lonely but I managed to overcome that period. The episode with the Sam girl also had an impact on me.

The highlights of the year of course were the marriage and the trip to Malaysia.

I think I take the rating thing a little too seriously sometimes. I tried that in the Sunday post and abandoned it after a while. I am feeling very lazy right now but I will still go ahead and do it once more. For the sake of continuity.

  1. Money: I think I am doing decently well when it comes to money these days. The months after the marriage were a little tough and Bro had to go back and settle down. Now that he is doing fine, he has been taking care of the housing loan. As a result I am getting to spend my own money. The Malaysia trip that I did cost me about 35K. Financing this trip wouldn’t have been possible if I were still in Mphasis.

2.Peace of Mind/Pressures. As I mentioned before, mentally I am in a good place right now. I have a clear idea of what I am and what my goals are. Work is generally hectic but its not a lot of pressure. With Bro getting married, that pressure also has eased off. I am worried about dad sometimes but I think he is doing relatively well right now.

3. Health. I am pretty healthy right now. I joined a gym about 6 months back and have worked very hard to get back into shape. I did the Hyderabad marathon last month and although it took me about the same time as last year, the run was much better.

4. Interests/Hobbies. I think the difference in the last one year has been that I have been writing more often these days. I have completely put aside the guitar though. I need to start playing again.

Long story short, it’s been a great year for me. I hope the next year is even better.

Regards,

Sridhar Reddy.

Aged 26 years 9 months

A letter to Sridhar-2015

 

one-year

I am such a lazy ass sometimes. I’ve only just realized that I did not in fact write the Letter to Sridhar 2014. I wrote a reply to the letter from 2012 and I wanted to write a letter to 2014 but I never got around to doing it. Such a opportunity missed. Anyway I’m going to rectify that mistake now and write a letter to myself in 2015!!

 

To,

R. Sridhar Reddy,
Aged 26 years 9 Months.

Hi pal. Its me, you in the past. How life going?

Probably for the first time in the last 3 years, I am in good place right now. I am exited about life and am looking forward to November when I join Oracle. I hope I am still in Oracle and I am reading this in Hyderabad by the time I get to be you. It’s not that everything’s positive right now. I still need some closure after Mom’s death. Bro’s contract didn’t get extended so he will be staying at home for an extended period.

I hope by the time I am reading this, he is married and is happy. We have seen enough bad days till now. I am desperately hoping for the good days to come. And I am confident they will come. So how was the marriage? Did you take all the responsibilities and do your best. If he is not married as yet then are you doing your best to help him. You know you are the only one he has to take care of him. It’s a duty you don’t know how to perform.. but its something you will have to try.

I had booked the tickets for Malaysia trip.Did you go to the trip? Or did the marriage get scheduled at that time. I hope one of them happened. If both didn’t happen then its a sad one indeed. But I hope you managed to get through it. I am hoping that you got the chance to do both.

I have changed over the last 10 months. I have become more self aware now. These days its not enough for me to go through the day. I think I am getting back to the early Mangalore mindset. That was a fantastic period for me. That along with some of the time that I spend while on bench. I am starting another period of intense productivity starting this week. I hope I manage to keep this up for a long time.

Are you still desperate. I realized recently that I had made it a habit to denying every emotion that seemed sad to me. I don’t think about it much but I am very lonely. The sudden crying session that I had a couple of months ago brought out something in me that I didn’t know existed. Accepting that you are lonely is not doing any help though. Are you also lonely?

If it were in my hands to do something about it, then I would do it. It’s so sad that for me to get a girl, I will have to go so far away from my comfort zone and be someone that I am not. There doesn’t seem to be any choice though. I have to take my chances now. I want you to be happy and I am willing to put in effort to bring you that happiness. I am just hoping for some luck to come my way.

What else is going on with you? Where did Arsenal finish in the league? We bought Danny Welbeck last week. I am guessing he will score 12 goals and give 10 assists in all competitions. Did he do better than my expectations? And what about Nadal? Did he win another Grand Slam. The man is simply amazing.

I am siting in the hall in 6122 right now. You will remember the room if you close your eyes. What do you see? Do you see Marella’s bed, my electric to the left, cycles and book stand and tv?

I am planning to move to the solo room today. I’ll spend the next 2 months in that room. Who are you living with currently. I think by the time I get to be you, Marella and Bala would have left. That doesn’t leave a lot of people. Did Siva join us?

My second attempt at doing the Marathon has also ended in a flop. The legs are just not up for it. I think I will quit running for a while and work on general fitness. Did I start running again?

The first time I did this letter thing, I had listed out 5 criteria using which I wanted to judge the quality of my life. I want to do the same again.

1. Money : This one is currently a mixed bag for me. All the while that I was in Chennai, I think I managed my expenses pretty well. When the car loan went off, its burden reduced a bit but the housing loan got added to that so it was pretty much tight for me. Then we got the money from land and from then on my money management has gone haywire. I think I have spent a lot after coming to Bangalore. I am spending more money on Luxuries these days. It’s something that I have to work on.

Managing money is not a goal that I need to achieve. It’s a continuous activity for me and I can only rate myself based on how I am doing right now. A I can do much better than this. Given that my Salary will be increasing after I join Oracle, I will have to be even more careful with regards to my expenses.

My Current Rating : 6

My Expectation for you : 8

2. Peace of Mind/Pressures: I am very relaxed these days. The offer from Oracle has eased that burden from my head. Managing Dad and Bro is still a little stressful for me right now. By the time I get to be you, I hope that Bro will be married.

My Current Rating : 8

My Expectation for you : 9

 

3. Health: I have come to realize over the past few months that my body is not as robust as it used to be. I need to take better care of myself now. I think I am doing alright at the moment. I was training for the full marathon for a while but shin pain forced me to leave that. Now I am doing weight training in the gym. So I’m not in the best shape but considering how I was 6 months back, I think I have improved a lot. There is still scope to get better though and I will continue to utilize the gym while I am still in PSN.

My Current Rating : 8

My Expectation for you : 8

4. Interest/Hobbies: So one day a couple of months back I got very impulsive and went and bought myself an electric guitar. I have to say till now I have not made the best use out of it. I am not practicing enough on it. Music aside I have continued writing this blog although the content has reduced, I am still working out and I think I am mostly covering all the things that I need to cover.

My Current Rating : 7

My Expectation for you : 8

The last criteria makes me so depressed that I am not even going to go into it right now.

I hope you are hale and healthy when you read this and I hope you will write back to me.

R. Sridhar Reddy

Aged 25 years 9 months.

A Reply to Sridhar 2012

To,

R. Sridhar Reddy,
Aged 23 years, 9 months.

Hey buddy, read your letter to me yesterday. As silly as the concept of writing a letter to yourself in the past is, I am compelled to do it. I have done very few cool things in life, but this blog and that post is definitely one of them. So apt and prophetic were your words, it amazes me. Yeah, sometimes I just amaze myself.

I write this piece to you because you asked me a few questions. Questions that I would like to answer for the purpose of maintaining a record.

The first question you asked:
How life going? — Exciting?  Boring?  Engaging?  Dull?  Relaxed?  Pressured?  Happy?  Sad?  Content?  Frustrated?

The answer to that is my life is currently Exciting, Pressured, Content and a little bit Frustrated.  You wrote that your life was a mixture of some of those feelings. I guess we are the same in that regard. One year has passed in between. Things have changed. But we remain the same at the core. Will I be able to say the same 5 years later??

Back then you had been on bench for 5 months in a row and were worried that that spell on the bench would hamper your chances elsewhere. You would go on to get a project only in December but that project turned out to be a good one so your worry was for nothing. You said that in September 2013 you would like me to be working in Hyderabad but you wouldn’t be disappointed if I was still at Mphasis. I am in fact still at Mphasis. And I am not disappointed about that. I am in an environment where I can learn a lot of things everyday from people who are so much more experienced than me. My learning is only limited by my drive to learn.

To the question if you were content, your answer was yes and no. If you ask me now, I guess my answer would be the same. You proceeded to rate yourself based on 5 parameters. I shall do that too

1. Money. You said then that you didn’t think the loans would be going anywhere. You were right. In fact they have increased. I had to top-up the personal loan so now I am paying 30k to your 28k. If were to write a One Year Later right now, I would probably right the same thing. The loans are something I have come to take up as a responsibility on myself. Its true that I am living in the dark a little currently. My credit card bill reads 80k and I don’t have the money to pay this months minimum bill. I didn’t have the money to go to Goa too but I went anyway 🙂 . I am sure I will manager somehow.

Have I become a little bolder over the last few months. I think so. Less worried over the upcoming expenses I am. I can remember a few months back when I started eagerly waiting for the 1st of next month when I would get my salary and I could sort out my arrears. Not anymore. My skin has thickened up.

You rated yourself 7/10. I rate myself 8/10, simply because I have reduced my expenses a lot and now am more mature about my spending. Or not!

Peace of Mind/Pressures:  You felt the pressure of not having a project. I have learn’t to cope with the pressure that are present in my present project. It’s just the issues with Dad which I didn’t have then have started putting an overhead on me. Added to that is my inability to help mom or bro in dealing with difficult times. Not that I think about that a lot. But I should. And act on it. Which I will. Soon. Boy has arseblog had an affect on me.
Your rating 8. My rating 7.

Health: Now this is where I am really proud. The idleness in the later months of 2012 drove me to take up running and I have not given up since. You expected me to run the 10k at least 4 times. I have done better than that. I have run 3 half marathons and am currently thinking of participating in a full!  Certainly one of the better decisions I have made in my life when I started running. My running is haphazard right now because of the rains and the shifts but I make sure I make the best out of the time I have.
Your rating 9. My rating 10.

Interests/Hobbies: Okay here I have not done all that I could do. It true that you cannot do it all but I can do better than I am doing right now. I have stuck to the guitar which I am not really getting better at but I have stuck to it which must count to something. Completely stopped practicing Telugu. Have managed to improve communication with parents. Am growing further apart with batchmates, specially with lot of them leaving for U.S.
Your rating 9. My rating 8.

Pussy. Bah!. The only difference between you and me is that in the last one year, 5 of my batchmates have got married. And bro’s marriage is planned for Dec. Wonder how that will go. Its a barren land for me out there. And will be for sometime to come. No point in rating myself here.

So there it is. My reply to you. May this tome go into the shelves of awesomeness. Whatever that means!

Love,

Sridhar
Aged 24 years 9 months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sridhar Reddy review – 2012

So.. this is a first. How do I review myself… Let’s see

There are still 3 days left in 2012. But I don’t think anything drastic is going to happen now. So I think I have a pretty full account of my year gone past.

Start: Flat 14, Sai Pooja Avenue, Kandanchavadi, Chennai

End: Flat GF5, Sri Jayendra Colony, Kandanchavadi, Chennai

I think I have improved considerably as a person in the year gone by. I have become more self conscious, more responsible for myself, matured as a person and I now am more confident. I have done things that I am proud of. Like persist with the guitar. I have come to the point where I can tell people that I am good with the guitar. And if someone asks me to play, I can play something that I am confident they will like. I couldn’t do that 1 year ago.

The half marathon was another achievement. I have felt that things have come really easily to me in life. But the run wasn’t easy. It was a lot of effort. I take pride in having the determination to stick to running and am proud of having achieved my goal. It’s a nice feeling, when you are able to achieve a goal that you set for yourself. I haven’t felt this feeling before. My goal in BITS would always be to do better in the semester and crack the courses but I never did. That is why I was never proud of myself.

Any other achievements? Thinking hard.. still thinking.. No. That’s it. There is nothing else remarkable enough to be mentioned.

How about things that I did well. I improved my communication with my brother. Was in constant touch with mom and dad. Made an effort to improve mom’s life. Tried to give back something to society through Action Aid and Greenpeace donations. Took more interest in politics and tried to be more aware of what’s happening around me. Became less lazy in general and tried to help the people around me.

So that’s about things I did well. On to things I didn’t do so well. When I was stuck in bench for those 6 months, I didn’t really try to force myself out of the situation. I was content to sit back and let things happen. I need to change that about myself. I need to start taking things in my hands. Become more decisive and less hesitant. That is a major change I would like to see in myself. I want to become less hesitant in public. And the rating that Kamal gave me. I can blame him for it but I can see that it was my fault also in a way. It certainly cost me close to 25,000 Rs. I have to keep this experience in mind always and act accordingly.

Major changes/ things I bought:

The bike in April. Cost me 23,500 then. Including the repairs that I have made on it till date, the cost comes to 29,000 Rs. It’s now in perfect condition. I have now decided to get the bike registered in my name. 7 months without an accident. It’s a good bike. I’ll carry it with me if I move. Bought car in August. Booked for home in June for which I took a personal loan of 3,00,000 Rs. The house is nearing completion and will be completed in a month. Gruha Pravesham is in a couple of weeks. Also bought a sofa set and a fridge for home. Minor things include a new pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, a new mp3 player.. that’s it.

Major losses:

Lifted a pair of Bose earphones from bro that I really enjoyed. They broke down a week back. I really feel the loss. Fell from the bus in January. Broke a tooth. Got a replacement. Spent 3000 for car window shades that had to be pulled down. And I managed to lose my license. And I have no idea when and where. Thats it?

Financial situation:

Liabilities:

Personal Loan: 3,82,500, Car Loan: 6,16,600, Education Loan: 4,50,000, Credit card: 35,000

Total: 14,85,000 Rs

Assets:

Car: 5,50000 Rs, Bike: 25,000 Rs, Room Advance: 24,000 Rs

Total: 599000

Deficit: 8,86,000 Rs.

Goals for 2013:

I think in 2013 I want to improve on what I have already built up. I want to break the 1:50 Hrs. barrier in half marathon. I want to improve further in guitar playing skills. I want to bring down the deficit in my financial sheet to under 6 lakhs. It’ll take some doing seeing as there will be a new addition to loans pretty soon but I will try my best and be proud if I do good. I want to keep coming up with innovative ideas to write about. I want to create a structure to my career and lay down some concrete plans. I want to find out what my dream is. And I want to get laid. Obviously.

I am in a dilemma career wise right now. I am not really sure what I want to do next. The lack of a C.S or an IT degree means I’ll never be able to work in technology companies. The options I have left for me are product related companies or IT companies. My current path is that of an Oracle DBA. I can arrange it to show that I have 2 years experience in DBA come June 2013. I can do that, or I can learn Java and try for a product based company. Product  based companies pay well. I can only get into IT companies as a DBA. Is money everything? Which career path is better? I don’t have answers to these questions. I have to make up my mind in the next 2 months about this. I’ll speak to different people and decide for my own. This is something I’ll like to have cleared up by the end of 2013.

So things to look forward to in 2013: My bro’s marriage. How I shape my carrier. More marathon runs. More guitar playing. And learning tamil …..

A letter to Sridhar-2013

I was going through this article on ways to improve oneself. One of the points the author mentioned there was writing a letter to your future self. I got hooked onto the idea of writing something and reading the post 1 year later. What would I write in such a post? Both writing the piece and reading it one year later would be interesting experiences. So here goes:

To,

R. Sridhar Reddy,
Aged 24 years 9 Months.

Hi pal. Its me, you in the past. How life going?

Exciting?  Boring?  Engaging?  Dull?  Relaxed?  Pressured?  Happy?  Sad?  Content?  Frustrated?

My life currently is a mixed bag composed of some of the above mentioned feelings. I am currently on bench at Mphasis, spending my life the same way everyday, looking for news things to do to pass time and improve myself. This exercise being one of them. Right now I am living a fairly tight life, most of my money going to replaying the 3 loans and having to juggle the rest of the money between living and paying the credit card bill.

If I compare myself from what I was a year ago, I would say that I have become more self aware. I am not content to just pass the time anymore. I don’t necessarily spend my time thinking about the future. That day may yet come. But I do worry about things. Specially since the last 5 months. What I am worried about? I am worried that the continuous lack of project is going to hamper my chances when I will come to being you. In September 2013, I would want to be working in a proper software company, preferably in Hyderabad. Having said that, I wouldn’t be totally disappointed  if I was still continuing at Mphasis. The universe works in mysterious ways. It would be presumptuous on my part to say that I will not be happy at Mphasis, or I will be happy somewhere else. You never know. Right?  What will matter more is: am I content? So am I content right now?

Yes and no. If contentment could be quantized, say in a scale of 10, what will my rating be? What factors can a person use to judge if he is content or not. Money, Peace of mind / Pressures, Health, Interests/Hobbies and of course pussy. We shall deal with them one at a time:

1. Money: My last pay slip read Rs 44,000. 28k from that is going towards repaying the 3 loans. I am having to manage with the rest, watching my expenses. I can still do the normal things I did 8 months ago. I hesitate on the little bigger things and shy away from the really big things. Like buying a new phone, or a laptop or the Takamine G220. These are things I would buy if I had a surplus of 10k every month. These are things I can manage without. These are things I do manage without.
Do I regret being in this situation? No. This is the way India’s middle class lives. At-least this is how the responsible people live. The loans I took were for a specific purpose. The education loan was unavoidable. The personal loan was to pay the home margin and the car was required. I feel happy traveling in the car, and watching how the house is shaping up. I may have to make small sacrifices for this, but I am truly happy making those sacrifices.

What do I expect for you? I don’t think the loans are going anywhere. Specially after the supreme court ruling on dad’s case. So I expect you to still be paying the 3 loans. I am not expecting a drastic increase in salary for you. If I stay in Mphasis in September 2012, my pay slip would probably read 48000. Not more. My current self will be content if earn that in the future. Are you content with what you are earning?

My current rating: 7/10

The rating I expect when I become you: 8/10

2. Peace of Mind/ Pressures : Lack of project means that I don’t have office pressures. Of course I feel the pressure of not having a project, but that is manageable. I feel the money pressure, knowing that I am having to pay interest on the credit card. But I think for someone in the big world, these pressures are to be expected. I just have to train myself to get used to them. And they increase as you grow older…

My current rating: 8/10

The rating I expect when I become you: 7/10

3. Health : I must say I am pretty healthy right now. I ran 5k today. This is the first time I managed it. I am planning to do a 10k in the BITSAA 5k event in 2 weeks time. I hope to do well in that. I started the Batra’s treatment for my hair last month. I will only be able to tell the results when I am you. I hope they are good. They took 9k from me for that.
By the time I become you, I hope to have completed the 10k run atleast 4 times. I hope that my best timing for the run be around 55 mins and that I should weigh under 67 kgs.

My current rating: 9/10

The rating I expect when I become you: 9/10

4. Interests / Hobbies : My interests currently are following all the sports I like following, improving on the guitar, and working out. Other things I should be doing are being in constant touch with me parents, brother and relatives, helping them in case of need and the same for my friends. I think I am doing pretty well if you talk about this aspect of my life. With all the time I have on my hands, I am able to do all the things I like doing freely.
I expect you to be in a job and have a project so hopefully you wouldn’t have as much time as I currently have. But I still expect you to pursue a few of the above mentioned interests diligently and feel happy doing them.

My current rating: 9/10

The rating I expect when I become you: 8/10

Last but not the least: pussy. You know I’ve not had any till now. I’m not sure if I’ll get any by the time I become you. I’m not even sure if I want to get any for you. Getting some is good, but it will bring its own issues with it that I will have to handle. This is something that I feel is out of my hand. No use rating myself for this, but I will do it for the sake of completeness.

My current rating: 7/10

The rating I expect when I become you: 7/10

My overall rating currently is 0.8. I am expecting nearly the same for you. I am already on the path for making that happen in some aspects of my life. I will have to start working on the rest soon. I’d be happy if you matched my expectations. I’d be very happy if you exceeded them. Good luck mate. I hope life gives you only pleasant surprises.

Love.

R. Sridhar Reddy

Aged 23 years 9 months.

1 Year on..

It was this time last year that I started writing this blog. It had a different name then.. and a different purpose. A lot has happened this last year. Lots of changes took place and I think they are reflected in this blog.. in a way.

Prominent changes? Difficult to put into words. I was in campus then.. idling away time, doing zero productive work and still being content with life. The 3 months in Mangalore were amazing. The introduction of a schedule in my life really spurned me into striving to organize my time and do something productive. I feel as if I have done more in this 1 year than what I could do in 4.5 years in campus.

The other day I was sitting and trying to come up with the collage for Budh’s experiences. There are so few memories I have of that one year.. I don’t understand what i did that whole year. Or the subsequent 4 years. You forget things after 5 years of-course.. but still.. I feel that my life in campus went with the flow. I never made an attempt to force anything into my routine.. I was content to sit back and let the timeline flow.

Sometimes I look upon my campus life with regret. There were so many things I could have done. I had the potential and the resources. What was lacking was Motivation or perhaps I was just too lazy. But then I feel some other things too. These past few months I have started to miss the life in campus. I didn’t think I would miss that life at all. But I do. And that surprises me.

I could go on writing about this but I’d end up writing nothing at all. As I said.. difficult to put into words. One thing hasn’t changed though. Arsenal’s position.

I wrote a post on 11th Apr 2011. We were in second position back then but trailing Man U by 7 points with 7 games to go. Our next game was with Liverpool that we drew.. thanks to a goal by some dick in the 97th minute. And from then on we just collapsed and ended up finishing 4th. We find ourselves in pretty much the same position now.. in third place with 7 games to go. I sincerely hope we don’t finish our season the way we did last year.