Sunday post returns as promised after 4 week hiatus.
Sunday post on Wednesday as I was travelling on Sunday and haven’t been well these days. I cant remember the last time when I was sick for this long. Seems like I have been suffering from Viral fever. The symptoms were confusing in the first couple of weeks as there was no fever. Just mild headache. The fever started 3 days back. I have been on medication for about a week now.
I hope I get better soon as these have been frustrating weeks. I have struggled with food during this period. Normally I am not a great fan of the Mrs.’s cooking but the last few days have been specially difficult. Added to that her complete ignorance on how to care for the sick. I guess it has been difficult for her as well.
I had to attend a visa interview at the Argentinian embassy. It went well and I should have the passport with me sometime next week. That is the one positive thing to happen during this whole month. I would not be looking back at this march with any fondness.
Other bad stuff happened. Sis in law had to get another surgery. It seems the surgery that was done last year was unsuccessful. Bro has been under considerable stress. And he doesn’t talk to me about it so often I don’t know the complete picture. The fact that Bro has had to foot the bill for an expensive surgery means that he is not as financially secure as he would like to be right now. He knows that the problem with Sis in law will last her lifetime so he will need to be ready to make a lot of expense in the coming years. He wants support and understanding in these difficult times.
The least I can do is to help him financially. I have decided that when dad’s money comes, I will limit my claim to 5L. I sat and did some calculation the other day. With 5L from dad, I should be able to pay off all my loans by the end of this year. I am not happy about it but what can I do. When shit happens, you suck it up and deal with it. At least I don’t have to explain my financial situation to the Mrs. A little hard work over the next year and I should have 10L pooled in by the end of the year. With 10L in my hands, I can start thinking of buying a flat in 2019.
With me being sick the whole of the last week, I haven’t made a lot of progress on my mental state. Need to work more this week and the next.
That is how long I religiously cataloged my life in this forum. Called them the Sunday posts I did.
Of marriage is all it took for me to stop writing.
Now to blame the Mrs for my tardiness is not fair. Its not like she has been hogging all my time. Since I have no work to do in the office, I am pretty much free these days. What ends up happening is that since I am very busy on Saturdays either working or doing chores or something else, Sunday is the only day that I have to give to the Mrs. The Mrs does not like it when I do not give her attention on Sunday.
All that still does not explain my tardiness. I could still write the posts on Mondays or Tuesdays. In the past I would look forward to the Sunday to write my post. These days I can go the entire week without thinking about it and not even realize that I missed it. I think the Sunday posts have lost their relevance in my life.
What drove me to take up that exercise in the past and why is it not relevant now?
I think the Sunday posts were a way for me to deal with my problems and anxieties. Those were difficult days. It was important for me mentally to know that I was moving forward in life. One way to do that would be to write a journal every week and detail in it what I did for the week and what I planned to do for the coming weeks. It made me feel organized and feel good.
Post marriage life has been better for me. Most of those anxieties and pressures gone. They have been replaced by other things but I am able to handle them. So now I don’t feel the need of a journal.
I also think that I have got too caught up in life nowadays so my attention span has reduced. Writing needs focus and I haven’t been able to do that. Even this post has been difficult to write. I get distracted every 5 mins. I took a 4 hour break after the first couple of lines. The Mrs keeps telling me about this. I may even be facing the effects of having such a hectic life. I have had a constant dull headache for the past couple of weeks. Research in google points towards stress as the leading cause of such a condition.
The real reason the Sunday posts lost their meaning in my life is because the underlying objective has been achieved. I wrote the journal as a way to help deal with the loneliness that I felt before marriage. Now that I am no longer lonely, I don’t need the journal.
I need the journal.
I may not be lonely but I have other problems in life. Like the one right now where I am incapable or relaxing for even a short period of time. I need the journal to track the progress I am making while I deal with the problem. And that is how it should go in the future as well. There will always be problems in life so I will need to take the help of the Journal to deal with the problems.