A very turbulent week. On Monday Mr. D called me and told me about an onsite requirement on the US west coast and asked me if I am interested in travelling. There was a similar offer that was given to me in October of last year. Hari was sent on L1 visa for that requirement. I informed Deepak that I would need to discuss with the Mrs and that I will get back to him in a day.
I think I made a mistake there. I should have told him that I need time to think about it. By telling him that I would let him know in a day, I ended up putting a lot of pressure on myself. I also did not factor in the fact that the Mrs can be very indecisive at times. I tried to speak to her in the evening but half her mind was occupied by her impending trip to Nellore. I spoke to bro and he told me that it would not be possible for the Mrs to get a job in the US.
The Mrs already knew that. She has a friend in the US who has been struggling to find a job for the last one year. She was not very keen on the idea. On the other hand she did not reject the idea. She kept telling me that it is a good opportunity and that I should not let it go.
We looked at the pros and the cons of the offer.
- The Mrs would not get a job in her domain so she will have to find something different to work on. She was not very keen on that. Staying at home was not very appealing.
- If the Mrs quits her job in India, financially we would not do better that what we are doing now.
- If I go there alone and she stays back, both of us will have to live alone. It will be difficult for her, more so for me.
- The project that Mr. D informed me about is in the West Coast. It is an implementation project with Goldengate and EM. It should be a good learning experience.
- Per DM of about 85$ per day. Living alone I should be able to save about 1000$ per month. A little hard work and I should be able to save 10L in an year.
- The exposure of having worked in the US.
In the end it came down to money. If we needed the money, we would have to spend an year away from each other. It would be difficult but this is the ideal time for us to do something like this. We would not be able to do it at a later point of time in our lives. I knew it would be difficult for me to live all by myself for an year but I ended up agreeing. We decided that I would apply for the visa, go to the US alone and stay there alone for a period of one year. She would visit me for a couple of months in between.
At this point I am not sure if it was the correct decision to make. Is it worth it? How would I survive? How would she survive? I guess we will have to wait and see.
So the Mrs traveled to Nellore on Tuesday evening. We had a mini fight on tuesday which I carried on to wednesday and thursday. There was no work in the office so I ended up staying at home during the weekdays. I asked the Mrs to return early but she told me that she couldn’t. I got pissed off at that and got very mean on the phone.
I thing I need to find a way to control my anger, specially if we are going to spend time away from each other in the future. Regardless of whether or not she does the things that I like, being mean and scolding her would not help. I think it is time I start accepting her for who she is and stop complaining. I cannot ask her to prove her value in our relationship at every point in time. I would need to find the value where I can and be accommodating at other times.
What is the secret to a happy relationship? The Mrs often mentions that it is a shame that I have never been in a relationship before. I am starting to think she might be true.