A Letter to Sridhar – 2017

one-year

 

To,

Sridhar Reddy
Aged 28 years 9 months

Hey pal, its me. You from the future.

28 years and 9 months old huh. When did I become so old? If it goes this way, in no time I will turn 30.

How is it going? How is the Mrs. How are the kids (I hope for your sake that there are no kids and none on the way)

I expect the next year to be a turbulent time. I have put in some effort to get to know the person that I am marrying. I expect over a period of time, you would have learnt even more. I will describe her according to what I understand of her at the moment. Given the more intimate relationship you would have built up over time, you can reflect on whether I am right.

Swathi is a simple girl. She has seen difficult days so she isn’t very demanding in life. The men she has seen in her life haven’t made an effort to set any good standards, so she loves me simply because I am better than them. That does not mean that she is happy with everything I say or do. I am not the most emotionally intelligent guy around. I can be brash and insensitive at times. Still she puts up with me and loves me.

I have pushed her a little these past few months. I might have said or done things that made her uncomfortable. I wanted to see how she would react. So  far, she has not resisted my approaches, she has fought to overcome her inhibitions. In the process, she has got to know me very well.

Now that I think about it, it is interesting how each of us have approached each other and built our relationship. I don’t know if it was because of the difference in our sex, or because of our different backgrounds. She started liking me based on my behavior and actions. For me however, the emotional attachment did not start until there some intimacy involved.The more time we have spent with each other and the more intimate we have become, my liking of her has increased to the point that I might be falling in love.

What are my expectations for marriage? I know enough about marriage to realize that we need to find things that we both like doing, and spend time doing those things. Intimacy and sex alone will not for the base of a happy marriage. I will need to make sure that I give her enough attention. She should not feel like she is allotted a slot in my time table.

Am I rigid? I know that I am a control freak. When and why did I become this way?

The last few weeks have also been interesting in how I have come to understand more about myself. In the last few years, I have felt the need to have something to look forward to at all times. I have often set goals for myself and have tried to achieve them. I have faced several failures, some traumatic. Failures at the marathons taught me that I need to plan every step of the way and that I should not allow myself to make mistakes. It is probably this thinking that caused my subconscious to obsessively plan every step of the way for the things that I set out to do.

Planning is not a bad thing in itself. No person incapable of planning and executing actions has gone on to achieve anything. Planning becomes bad when one becomes obsessive about it and stops enjoying the present. It can also be a source of irritation for the surrounding people.

Given this new insight about my own thinking, I have started to take it easy these days. I have realized that there cannot be only one thing that I look forward to. I need to have several projects in my hand to distribute my focus among different things and to give my mind some breathing space. How are you dealing with it? It must be even more difficult for you given that you do not have a marriage to plan for. I hope you are not driving the Mrs. crazy.

The 10 weeks left for the marriage seem to be going to0 fast and somehow not going fast enough at the same time. How was the experience for you? Did you have fun? Did the budget cross your limits? Were there any problems?

I want to know about the fun you have had. The places you have visited and the memories you have collected. Do write back to me on your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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