Month: January 2016


Time: 9:34
Place: 5A021, OTP
Week 15

Good Week.

Visited the Dell office this week. My work may not start for atleast another 2 weeks. We now have a good idea of what is expected. It should be a good experience.

Ms. N had a successful surgery couple of weeks back. She is doing well now. The surgery cost my bro 3K. I told him I will pay the EMI this month. Dad’s irrigation money thing seems to be going well now. Not sure how much we will get but it should be soon enough.

I have some plans for the money. We still have 3l debt to pay off so that will take priority. If the total money that comes is around 10l, there is no point doing lump-some payments to the housing loan. I can pay off one of my personal loans and the rest can be kept aside for marriage expenses.

In case the money arriving is around 15l or more, is makes sense to pay everything over the 10l to the bank and to reschedule the EMI’s. It would be good to limit the total house and car EMI’s to 40K. Then I can limit my liabilities to 20K per month.

Did some shopping this week for Bala’s marriage. We are planning to buy something for him. Should have a good time at his marriage.

Week 15 was again quiet. The week 14 case did not progress much. I wasn’t very exited to begin with anyway. The overall progress has seemed very sluggish to me. I have seen 5 cases, out of which I visited one. Except the first one, none of the rest really exited me.I’m not able to decide if I need to push a little or just wait for it to happen.

The decision to take it easy this month was a good one. A few weeks with less stress has done my mental state a world of good. I will again be in the certification grind starting next week so I need to prep myself for that. Will need to work hard for the next few weeks.

5 day week in the gym. Feels like I lost some more weight. I am getting stronger every passing week. I am not getting any bulkier though. I have 2 more weeks of low rep training to do. I will have to decide if I want to continue with this or switch back to the high rep routine. I am also faster on the treadmill now. I pushed a little these last 2 weeks. Next week I will try to do a 8K run at less than 7min pace.

I will be sending 38K to dad so this month will be a tight one. Will have to manage well.























Time: 20:19
Place: 005, Devi Residency
Week 14

Good week.

Worked out 6 days.

Will be visiting Dell tomorrow.

Got one proposal in week 14. Hmm.


Strength Training

I started my new regimen in the gym in Nov last year. Since then, I have spent a lot of time doing research on exercise physiology and health. I learn’t about what exercises I should be doing, at what intensity and for what duration.

For someone who can boast of having 3 years experience working out in a gym, its amazing how many things I didn’t know. Even after everything I have learnt, I still make mistakes in the gym, all the while mentally pointing out the mistakes others are making.

For the first time in my life, I am working at controlling my diet. I don’t know how I missed this trick the last 8 months. I am definitely eating less, but I am not starving myself. I don’t go to bed unhappy every night that I am having to diet.

I am a little over 68Kgs now.  When I started going to the Gym, I was around 73. When I renewed the membership, I was above 70. I have made good progress over the last 2 months.

I want to record what I am doing these days and use this as a template to refer to in the future. My workout schedule reads like this:

Monday -> Arms, Back. Barbell row, Bicep curls, Dumbell curls, Lat Pulldowns.
Tuesday –> 1 hour cardio. Running.
Wednesday –> Lower Body. Deadlifts, Barbell squats, Dumbell lunges.
Thursday –> 1 hour cardio. Running.
Friday –> Shoulder, Chest, Back –> Bench Press, triceps cable extension, dumbell overhead press, shoulder raises.
Saturday –> 1 hour cardio. Running.

Most weeks I do 5 day gym routines. I try to cover the strength training days at sometimes skip the cardio when I don’t fell like it.

I have also started an alternating approach to the intensity of my workout. For 4 weeks, I do the lower wait high rep routine. I push the reps to failure and generally end up with sore body parts the next day. The next 4 weeks, I do the high weight low rep routine. I do not try to push to failure. The satisfaction at the end of a workout might be a little less but the results are better.

I now have a good understanding of my body. I can basically do the endurance stuff but am not very strong. Even after 10 months working out in the gym, I fail to do a single rep of a pull up. I lack strength. Strength is what I am focusing on right now. Weight loss is secondary.I hope to be able to do a few reps of pull ups soon. I do want to lose some more weight but am not very particular about it right now. Strength is what matters.



















Time: 9:02
Place: 005, Devi Residency
Week 13

This week I realized that my mental condition depends on how I feel physically on any given day. I had worked both days of the weekend and by Wednesday, I started getting tired. Added to that the frustration of not being able to figure out how to approach the OCA exam. I worked from home on Thursday, took an off on friday and worked a little yesterday. I am in good spirits today.

Heard some worrying news yesterday. Ms. N had a surgery on friday to remove a cist in her pelvis. The condition that lead to the cist is because of a malfunction in the normal menstrual cycle. The condition sometimes leads to sterility in women. The doctor told my bro that its better to have kids early given this condition worsens as one grows older. Stopping the menstrual cycle using birth control pills is another option. Side effects of using birth control over a long period need to be considered.

It must be hard for the woman. She is uncomfortable talking about it so I haven’t spoken to her in a week. For someone who loves kids so much, talk of sterility must be very difficult to comprehend and accept. I hope it doesn’t get serious and affect them much.

I am beginning to understand that it wrong to hope for good days. There are no good and bad days. One needs to see the positive in any situation and try to feel good about their day. Reality sucks and one must learn to deal with it if one has to remain sane.

I spent a lot of time this week hovering between tiredness, frustration and depression. In the end of the day, I am not able to rationalize why I feel the way I do. What is going so wrong after all. What is it I want and how will getting what I want improve my life. I do not know if this is a phase and if it is, I don’t know how long it will last.

I had a recurring thought this week. I need some anchor to my life. Something that I look forward to. I hate feeling stagnated. While I have always felt this way, I have managed to work around it by being driven and by focusing on improving myself. These days, I am not able to sustain that kind of drive. I am getting tired too soon and am getting frustrated. I cannot handle multiple projects at the same time right now. I can only focus on one or two.

Fortunately, I have something going for me. Since I started controlling my diet, I have seen the results in the gym. I have started to lose weight and am feeling better about my body these days. Controlling the diet has been hard though. The high rep period is complete so starting tomorrow, I will be doing the low rep workouts in the gym for the next 4 weeks. I will need to focus hard and be careful. I almost had an accident the other day in the gym while doing the bench press. Shouldn’t repeat such stupid mistakes.

I have decided to postpone the OCA exam to sometime next month. I need to get a grip on this “phase” of mine. I will not waste time. I will do random things that interest me at any given moment.

My new year resolution lasted 2 weeks.

Week 13 was a damp squib





Place: 51021, OTP
Time: 10:33
Week 12


The first week of the year gave me a small snapshot of how this year will be like for me.

I worked all 7 days. Thankfully there were very few SR’s so it wasn’t stressful. I am in good physical shape these days so I am physically ready for another week at the office. I can take an off tomorrow but I wont. Cause I need the money.

Dell thing might start sometime next week. Then again, I have been hearing this for the last 6 weeks so it might not start next week. I hate being in limbo so I have been doing my own things meanwhile. Let them decide when they want to send me.

Raghu might buy the bike. He had taken the bike from me a couple of weeks back and had it looked at by some mechanic he knows. He is looking at other options currently. Will ask him next week if he will take it. I have quoted 22K to him.

Week 12 ended with me getting some closure. I gave Swarna a long hard thought but I think I can do better. Added to that was all the mismanagement from our folks and bro wasn’t really convinced. So I told Pinni I wasn’t interested and asked her to look for other options.

The count stands at 2.

Mentally I am holding up okay. It will get harder going forward but I should be able to hold on.

I will try to Install the CM 13 on my phone today. I did the automatic install 2 weeks back and it ended in disaster. I lost all my data and apps. Had to install everything from scratch again. Will see how it goes today.


SUNDAY 59, 2016 Begins

Time: 9:39 A.M
Place: 005, Devi Residency
Week: 11

Happy new year to me.

2015 has been full of ups and downs. I worked harder in 2015 than in any 1 year in the past decade. Lot of things that I tried did not give me any results. Some things worked out brilliantly well. Overall I am pretty happy with where I stand at the start of 2015.

2016 is going to be an incredibly long and difficult year for me. I will have to work even harder this year. I will have to move out of my comfort zone and will have to struggle against the elements and myself. My fight with loneliness will take its toll. I will get increasingly anxious and frustrated. I will not have the pleasures that kept me together in 2015. The happy story of my brother, the great trips that I did, the good time that I spent with my friends.. none of these will be there this year.

Will this be the year that I turn to faith for strength to sustain myself? Will I grow further apart from my family? Will I be able to figure out what I want? Will I get what I want? Will I be happy?

I am not one to make up new year resolutions. Having said that, a man should be open to try out new experiences so I have decided that I will have a resolution for this year:

I will not watch porn this year.

Let’s see how that goes.

Onto last week’s events.

The week was my first true vacation of the year. Given the circumstances, I tried to unwind as best as I could. I feel that I have recovered physically and am ready for the new year. Mentally, I am not there yet. Monday starts tomorrow so there is no choice. Ready or not, the new year starts.

Week 11. First interview. Not quite there. Put on hold.