Aged 27 years 9 months.
Hey pal. It’s me. You from the past. How’z it going?
One year is not so long a time. Its 12 months. 52 weeks. And yet when I try to imagine you, I can’t. Such is the turbulence in human life that I am not even 100% sure if I will be alive 12 months later. What can I say to you when I don’t know you and am not sure if you will read this.
You will read this. And I do know you. You are me, an year older. A little wiser, a little poorer, married(maybe), happier(maybe). The core of what makes you, you will be the same as what makes me, me. All this leads me to the question.. what am I?
I am a 26 year old man with per-maturely greying beard, with a father about whom I think I am worried about, but in reality I am not. I am just about figuring out what I want with my career. I am lonely, but otherwise content with myself. I still stop myself from remembering the memories from Mom’s death. I shy away from watching or reading anything that has to do with romance because it makes me feel lonely. I work hard, and I try to make my time count. I am inherently lazy, but by being organized and methodological, I get most things done. I have a confidence now, a purposeful stride as I walk. I keep my back straight and my shoulders drawn. I am dignified, yet simple. I don’t crave attention and look down on people who do.
I will not do in this post what I have done in my previous posts. No ratings, no data gathering. This year I want to write philosophy.
I want to build an aura about myself. I want people to look at me and be impressed. The way I influence one’s judgement of me will be by what I wear, what I say, what I do and by how I look. Starting this week, I will start shaving twice a week. After 9 years of once a week shaving, I will try to have at all times a cleanly shaven face. This will be to hide the grey hairs in my beard, the sure signs of aging. My body will also have to be maintained. I hate being fat and feeling fat. I will dedicate myself to fitness in the coming year and will have an even tighter control on my diet.
Reading between the lines what I have written above, I can feel a pattern emerge. The thing that worries me the most now is not my career, not dad, not money. It’s aging. I want to concentrate my efforts in the next year to reverse the process of aging. I am not sure if this is just a phase for me. Looking at it from an external perspective, such a feeling might seem silly. Nevertheless this is something I feel very strongly about right now.
The other aspect of my aura will involve what I say. I think I am pretty dignified in my speech. But I can improve the content. Which means I will need to improve my knowledge. I will work hard to learn more at work and to prove my skillset. I will start reading again. Good books, not vampire novels shit.
I think I am always pretty well dressed, but I should be able to improve.
So this is my goal for the next 1 year.. to look better, to talk better and to do better. To build and image, and then to sustain that image.
I call the above effort Sridhar 2.0. How did I do?
Let me come back to Sridhar 1.0 mode for the rest of the post.
I completed the Malaysia trip last week. It was a good trip, but it was so hectic that the fact that I was in international waters did not really sync in. I have made up my mind to do a Europe trip sometime in late Feb with Uttam and Chick. I will ask Aditya, Pogo and Prateek if they want to come. Did I get to do the trip? If I didn’t then I hope there is a really strong reason.
The biggest thing that I have been trying and failing from stopping myself from asking (screw grammar in this sentence) is: Did you get married? How was the experience. In 12 months I expect you to be married. If you are not I must say I will be disappointed. Not with myself particularly, there are factors here that are out of my control, but with life in general. For some reason, at this stage of my life, marriage seems really important to me. Has this feeling changed for you?
Marriage is such a big unknown as it involves a person you know almost nothing about. There are false expectations that will not be met. The constant in this turmoil is you so it is important that you continue to do the things that make you happy. That will be being Sridhar 2.0
Everything else aside, at the core, what makes you, you will be the same as what makes me, me.
Do you agree?