Month: July 2013

Winds of Change

That fine song by that fine guy whose name I can’t quite remember. I am going to dig up the long and listen to it now. I have started listening to old forgotten songs these days. Songs from my childhood. Seems like I have come a full circle. With no new quality material for me to lay my ears on, I have started going back to the songs that initiated me to music.

Just last week I listened to Children by Robert Miles. A song I hadn’t heard in 10 years. Curious this that song is. If I were to classify it, I’d probably put it as classic rock with some techno mixed in. But it also has a feel of progressive about it. No wonder I ended up a progressive enthusiast. The seeds were sown right..

I’m not sure for how long I will be following my cycle of musical evolution again. I don’t want to be listening to Backstreet boys again. No. Never. Ugh!!

So coming to things that matter.. This post is not about music. As a matter of fact it is about another topic which incidentally also starts with the letter M. Masturbation. A topic that I haven’t really gotten into in the 100 odd posts that I have written till now. So what about masturbation?

I was reading a book some time back in which the author talks about sexual drive. I think the book was Don’t stand too close to a naked man. So in the book the guy says that as a guy grows older, his sexual drive starts waning. The hormones become less potent? The willie gets mellow? etc etc. So I am getting the feeling that I am starting to see this change in me.

Change that takes place over the years is very had to observe. Specially in oneself. You have to be a very keen observer to notice that. It’s a good thing that I am a keep observer. Haha. In this case however it wasn’t actually that hard. In fact it became pretty obvious at one point. In days far yonder, I couldn’t wait to get into a room all by myself. And when I did get into a room by myself, I couldn’t wait to get my mojo out and start the act of vigorous forward and backward motion of the hand with said mojo firmly grasped in the fist.

Which isn’t the case anymore. Now its getting to feel more like a chore. It’s not been the modem of releasing pent up hormones like it used to be. Now its more of an exercise that you do to facilitate easy sleep. I shudder to think given the way things are going, a day might come when I might have a perfectly willing and ready women besides me on the bed but I won’t be arsed to get myself to do the act. **shudder**

But there is no helping it I guess. It’s biology. I have already written in a previous post about how the workings of the human body and our society are just skewed. It’s just sad. What can you do about it? **sigh**

So I started this post with Children by Robert Miles. Then I went to Winds of Change by Scorpions. Then We are the champions – Queen , We will rock you – Queen , A cover of We will rock you by Iron Maiden which also had Smoke on the water, to Smoke on the water by the G3 and finally to Glassgow kiss – John Petrucci. So no matter where I start, it is inevitable that I will end up in progressive. Fascinating huh. I really really love progressive rock/metal music.

But this post is not about progressive music. This is about my waning hormones. By the way I have made 2 attempts at the 1 week challenge and failed miserably on both occasions. Both times on day 2. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about it. The day I surpass the 1 week challenge will be the day I will be completely flummoxed by the implications of me having completed said challenge. What does it mean? What?  WHAT? WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT?

 

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A moment to remember!!!

And just when you think the drama couldn’t get any bigger, it gets extended some more. Some context required?? Read below:

My 3 main anxieties over the last 12 months have been

1. The bike which was not registered in my name.

2. My Bro who doesn’t have a job and is not in the best possible spirits

3. The bonus that was promised to me and about which various people said various different things.

The bike anxiety I resolved in Feb by taking it in my own hands and getting the registration done. The problem with my brother is not something that I can do anything about. And the bonus issue.

Because of the huge credit card bill that I have been lugging around for the past few months, I had a lot pinned on that bonus which would come and ease away most of my problems. It should have come in the beginning of June but it didn’t. At that moment I thought… Okay it might come in July so let’s wait for another month.

In comes July. By the afternoon of July first, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the Bonus is reflecting in my payslip so it will come to me sooner or later. The bad news was that because Dilip approved my WFH request late, my salary was going to be processed on the 10th.It was going to be later rather than sooner. All my dreams set aside for another 10 days. My anxiety extended by 10 days. I lumber on begging here and there to pay my EMI’s and await with bated breadth that moment when my account balance would read 96000.

So it’s 10th today. I’ve had a horrid night before because of issues in night oncall. I am juggling 3 RI’s simultaneously in the morning. But half the memory space in my mind is occupied by the thought… where is that salary? Now it’s 10:00 am. No sign of that happy SMS. I pick up the phone and call HR helpdesk. A sweet voice responds to my concerns and tells me that the salary will get processed today. And I lumber on.

I try to catch some sleep. Do some work. But all the time that question bothers me.. where is my fucking salary? I check every notification in my phone anxiously and keep checking netbanking every half and hour. Nothing. Nada. Zuc. Zilch.

It’s 4:30 P.M. I’ve had it. I call HR helpdesk again. Another sweet voice responds to my queries and assures me.. your salary will reach by end of day. End of day being 12:00 A.M. It’s 5:10 now. Still I wait for that happy news. This is like a practice session for me to prepare myself for the day I will become a father.. pacing outside the delivery ward while my beautiful wife is laboring inside. Will it be a girl like I always wanted? Or will it be a boy who would eat my head?

For the first time through this ordeal, I am truly alone. Over the month of June, I was reassured by the fact that there were others like me who were waiting for their bonus. Most of those folks got it on the first of July. Congratulations to them. Atleast after the first, I had Ramesh to give me company in the fact that even his salary had not got processed. But at this moment even he is basking in that moment of pleasure that you get when you read the SMS  that says your salary xxxx has got credited to your account. He got it earlier in the day. So I am alone now. No other miserable people to keep me company in my misery. I hate this feeling. I hate being alone.

But what can I do. Write about this moment that I will want to forget and give it the title – A moment to remember!!!. Why should I remember it asshole? I don’t want to learn from experiences such as these. I don’t want experiences such as these. My interest in them is Zero, Zuc, Zilch, Nada, Nothing, a big fat hole that god could put his dick into.

But I lumber on. Is this usage even correct .. lumber on. It sounds right to me but is it gramatically correct? I dont know. Ill probably google it later. Right now I am just down. So down. In a pit that only a bonus shaped rope can help me crawl out of.

Enough bitching.