And the first one goes down….

I have seen quite a lot of humor about marriages in facebook and twitter. They say your friend getting married can be depressing for you. You read these things and go hmmm. But you feel the real thing when it happens to you. Like I am feeling now..

Randy got married on 14th Feb. To Sudipta Ray. He’s the first among my friends to get married. There have been others in my batch who’ve been married already.. but they are people I haven’t been in touch with or don’t care about. I didn’t give it much thought when they got married.

But this one hurts. I haven’t spoken to Randy in the last 4 years. Completely lost touch after college. And we were never the greatest friends. A little more than acquaintances maybe.. But he is a guy I really like. And Sudipta too. She’s probably the only girl in my batch that I liked. I’ve always felt that the idea of 2 BITSian’s marrying each other is incredibly romantic. These two are obviously in love and they got married on Valentines day so that makes the whole thing all the more romantic. So why am I depressed?

I am happy for them. There is no doubt about that. And I guess I am a little jealous of Randy. Sudipta is a fine girl and he’ll definitely have a happy married life. I congratulate him on his happiest moment and wish the best future for him. At the same time, I compare him to me and don’t see me getting married anytime in the future. That is what makes it hurt.

He might be the first but he won’t be an exception. I’m 25 now. Soon all my friends will start getting married one after another. And then one day Mr. Randy will pop up on facebook and say he’s going to be a daddy.. Arggg!!

How do I deal with this? I really don’t know. I can ignore them and move on, or congratulate them and move on. But things like these are not easy to put off. Even if you try not to think about it consciously, your subconscious will dwell upon it and constantly prick you at the back of your head. Why are they in such a hurry.. fucking assholes.

The thing that really bothers me about marriage is that really divides you life in the sense that pre marriage you are a young guy and post marriage you are an uncle. I am finding it incredibly hard to relate to my younger days. I left my school 8 years ago and I don’t think I should really think of myself as a kid. But still when you look at it.. 8 years.. has it really been 8 years!! Where has the time gone. Which was the more meaningful time for me.. then or now? Those were the happy carefree days when I still had my innocence. Now I can only see them in my children as they grow up.

Now I can really understand how my brother feels. His case is a lot worse than mine. He has lived in isolation for a long time. Away from family and friends. The loneliness must be stifling. That is why I must keep my feelings inside me. Because its a lot worse for him. His time will come.. and my time will come sometime after his time comes. Sigh..

As a person I like having rules or motto’s. A few of them are:

1. To make the best of what you get instead of looking for the best. This gives you a lot more satisfaction.

2. To be proactive and always look for alternative opportunities.

3. To have balance in life and to persevere and endure to achieve that balance.

4. To be the best person you can possibly be and lead others through your example.

As long as I am able to follow these rules of mine, I will always feel good about myself. I believe these rules will help me lead a responsible content life. But will that be enough to satisfy my hormones?

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