What is my dream? What do I plan to become? What is my ultimate goal? What do I see myself doing when I fantasize about the future?
I have no answer to these questions in Dec 2012. I hope to have them by Dec 2013. Even as I ask myself the question at this point of time, I don’t know how I should go about finding the answer. Do I close my eyes and lay back and the image pops into my head. Is there an equation I can solve whose solution would be the answer to my question. Is there someone I can find who would answer my question for me. I don’t know.
The question “What is the meaning of my life” is a very profound one. Every human asks themselves this question at some point of time in their lives. Some find their answer in religion. But that is a shortcut. I don’t think it’s wrong. You might find genuine pleasure in doing the things your religion asks you to do and that is what its all about. But I want my answer to come from within and not get it from somewhere. I guess it’s ego.
I guess my absence of faith is really an ego thing. I might think of myself of being devoid of ego but hey.. who am I kidding. I have as big an ego as anybody else. I reject the idea that somebody else controls my live because my ego doesn’t agree to it. I want to be my own man. I want my own actions to influence my future and have myself to blame when shit happens. But here I am straying from the topic.
Coming back to dream. Is it really me or are there scores of other people who don’t have a dream. It’s a really difficult position I am in. I can’t discuss this with anyone. All my friends live far away. Why is a dream important anyway. Is it really important?
Rarely in our lives, say once in 3 months, we take a step back from what we are doing and really look at ourselves. When we do that, the question we ask ourselves is: are we happy doing what we are doing? And the source of true happiness lies in pursuing your dream. So we come back to our question. What is my dream?
I have no clue. And I am not happy having no clue. I want to be happy. I want to have a dream. And that is my goal in 2013. Find a dream. I hope I am successful.