SUNDAY 125

Time: 11:50
Place: Home

Sunday post on Tuesday as I was busy the last couple of days.

So the cost for my trip to South Africa has come to a total of about 2.2 Lakhs for the both of us. Was it worth it?

I struggled to wake up early in the morning to go to the gym last week. It has been difficult adjusting to the time zone difference. I have about 6 weeks left on the gym subscription. I need to make sure I make the most of it as I will not be renewing the gym subscription. I need to lose a couple of kgs before the new year.

Making plans to visit the in laws next sunkranti.

Dad says money will come in December.

The Mrs. sister is carrying.

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SUNDAY 124

Time: 17:52
Place: Home

Had a great trip to South Africa. My enjoyment in the trip almost equaled the disappointment I felt when I found out that I was rejected in Amazon. They went by the result of the first round which did not go well. If I could have just prepared better. Aditya gave everything to me on a platter. All I needed to do was to spend some time on it.

That’s 2 interviews now that I have failed because of my own mistakes. Its not that I am lacking technically, I need to focus better and make sure I don’t make silly mistakes. The DBA market is very bad and I cannot afford to make this a habit. I don’t know when the next opportunity will come.

The work in the office is getting very hectic. I guess I owe it to the company to show some dedication and to deliver results. I have to put my head down and work hard, at least till the end of this year.

SUNDAY 123

Time: 18:59
Place: Home

Missed a Sunday post in between. Its been a happening week. Turns out the HR made a mistake the other week and sent me a rejection email. They scheduled an interview this week and it went well. I have the manager round tomorrow. I am more or less mentally prepared for the interview. I now have some experience on how manager interviews go. I know what kind of questions will be asked.

We are leaving for South Africa this Saturday. We will be travelling to Mumbai on Friday and will stay in Mumbai for a day before we start to Johannesburg.

I’ll try to add in a post before I leave for South Africa.

SUNDAY 122

Time: 8:26
Place: Aliabad

Sunday post after a couple of weeks. Couldn’t write last week as I was in Karimnagar for Dasara. Couldn’t write the week before as I was busy with some work.

Its been a disappointing week. I had an initial call with AWS yesterday.. and got rejected immediately. It’s an opportunity that I lost. Aditya had given me the topics for the interviews one month in advance. There can be no excuses for why I could not prepare for the interviews. I wasn’t expecting them to focus entirely on networking. But I should have been better prepared.

I have now squandered 2 opportunities. 3 counting the Walmart last year. I have been overconfident and lax in my preparation. I have to do better. But how?

There are too many things running in my mind right now. I need to relax and clear my mind. Perhaps take a day off. I need to refocus and think about what I have to do. Too many times I do too much planning and very little execution. I should stop doing that.

I’ll need to think about things this week.

SUNDAY 121

Time: 10:16
Place: Home

Sunday post on a Monday as I was busy yesterday.

So after a lot of posturing, OCM work finally arrived at our doorsteps. Its arrived in heaps. I had to spend a couple of days in night shift last week to shadow the US guys and learn OCM. There is bound to be more work in the coming weeks.

I learned this week that the Mrs. has an education loan of 2.9L amount to pay off. I am borrowing money for Mr. AB to pay the loan amount. I have planned to take a rental advance from the office for 1.8L to pay him back. The advance will get deposited in my account minus the tax so I will need to arrange about 50K extra in the coming months to pay him off.

I have asked the In Laws to stay back in Bangalore until the resolution of the education loan.

I posted my reply of the one year thing this week. I will need to make the time to write another letter this week.

A letter to Sridhar – 2016

one-year

To,

Sridhar Reddy
Aged 27 years 9 Months

Hey pal. It’s me, you from the future.

Yes I am 28 years 9 months old. Time inevitably moves only in one direction. The only way to fight the passage of time is by controlling the self. Age after all, is just a number.

All things considered, its going good. The Mrs. is happy, with me and with herself. We have no kids yet, and none are on the way just yet.

It has been a turbulent year, just as you predicted. Its difficult enough to learn to live with a new person when you have no past experience to bank on. My life has been made more difficult with various things happening with me and around me. I have learn’t a little about myself these past few months and I certainly have changed a lot.

Do I chronicle all of my difficulties this past year? Since its just you and things will stay between us, I will.

It all started with the marriage. I had a hard time arranging funds for the marriage. I got no help from dad whatsoever. I thought bro will help me out by being there for me. That didn’t happen either. I had to plan and arrange every small detail myself. I was so caught up arranging my marriage, I did not have the time to enjoy it.

One would think the weeks after marriage would be good right? Not for me. I was uncomfortable living with the in laws in the beginning. I did not have my own personal space and I felt like I was living in someone else’s living room. The Mrs. was oblivious to my discomfort and continued to live the way she was living before marriage,  which was irritating for me. We got into lots of fights in those first 2 months.

Then we had the problems with sex. At first I got to know I had a problem. I went through a surgery and spent a few difficult weeks thereafter. Then we realized even she has a problem. I felt the need to correct my problem. She does not. Even if she did, I’m not sure if there are ways to correct the problem. At first I thought, and I still think to a certain extent, that her problem is psychological. Whatever the case may be, sex has been a struggle and we got into lots of fights because of it.

We fought because she is untidy. We fought because I am stubborn about money. We fought about her lack of interest in changing her job. We fought because of her unwillingness to communicate with my dad. And then we fought about silly reasons. Just yesterday we had a fight about her thoughtlessness. I can count the number of weeks I haven’t made her cry on one hand. The number of weeks while I was in India that is.

We fight. But then we get back to each other. I don’t know if it is love. Sure we tell each other that we love each other. But what is love? All I know is that I cannot spend 2 full days being mad at her. I would go back to her and would apologize for my behavior even if I felt she is the one who was wrong. I would find a way to make her laugh. Then everything would be fine. Until the next fight.

I guess its a good thing all our fights have been for silly reasons. We never had a strong enough reason to stay mad at each other. Over the course of the last few months, I feel we have come to understand each other. The kind of things that bothered us in the past, don’t bother us much anymore. That does not mean its all rosy and gold. Like I said, we had a fight yesterday.

We cannot give each other all of the things that we want from each other. We both have to compromise about certain things. We are close enough that we tell each other everything. But most of the times we don’t really understand why something is so important to the other. Neither of us backs down. Both of us have strong egos. Both of us have flaws that we point out to each other. Neither of us likes to be reminded about our flaws. But we are still together. We fit. I don’t think there are a lot of women who would have handled my overbearing and controlling nature. I don’t think there are a lot of men who would have handled her childishness and general incompetence about certain things. We fight and we grumble but on most of the days, we kiss each other good night and we kiss each other good morning.

What other problems did I have? Oh yes, money! Ah man. Money. I don’t have aspirations of being rich. I would be satisfied if I had a small fixed income and I could invest to build our future. I am sick and tired of paying loans. I have spent all of my working life paying loans. I have spent most of my working life paying at least 2 loans. Finally I get married to a women who is working and who is earning a decent pay. What do I get along with it? More loans. Do you want to guess the reason why we fought yesterday?

For a man who likes to be in control of everything, not being able to see out the end of these loans is so frustrating. I get frustrated when I look at other people who earn more than I do. I get frustrated when I apply for jobs, prepare hard for them, and the only company who bothers to take my interview rejects me because I have a bad “attitude”. I get frustrated when I don’t get good work in the office. I get frustrated when I don’t see a rise in my pay. Most of all, I am frustrated because I have to keep my frustration to myself. Even the Mrs. does not really understand. Can someone please throw this dog a bone.

Even as I write this post, I can see its depressing. I will stop my rant because it has not been entirely bad. There have been good days too. I am lucky enough to have friends who I get to meet and spend quality time with most weekends. I have been on a couple of very good trips. I am planning to go to South Africa in November for what should be a very good trip.

Men often make the mistake of highlighting the bad things and not appreciating the good things. For all of my talk about having fights with the Mrs, we have spent very little time of our life fighting each other. Most of the time we are kind and loving towards each other. We have collected some good memories and have had some great moments. Regardless of how things turn out to be in the future, I am sure we will continue to accumulate good memories.

This is why when you ask me how things are going, I would all things considered, it is going good. In a weeks time, I will need to sit down and write another letter, similar to the one you wrote to me. Life is starting to ask me some very difficult questions, and starting today, I need to prepare myself to answer those questions. I hope I get some answers.

SUNDAY 120

Time: 18:29
Place: Home

A so-so week.

Didn’t get much work done. Did some planning for the south africa trip.

In laws are visiting tomorrow and will stay for a week. Needless to say I will spend most of my time out of home and in the office.

4 workout days in the week.

SUNDAY 119

Time: 17:18
Place: Home

Another okayish week. On Monday I got to know that I got rejected from Wells. The manager apparently did not like my attitude. In retrospect, I can understand why he felt that way. I now understand that it doesn’t serve my purpose by being completely frank in job interviews. In other news, the Mrs. did not receive any calls.

Amazon will not be calling me this month. I am not expecting any other calls this month. I have to get down to work now. I have wasted the last couple of months. I have to complete the RAC certification by end of this month. I have a 10 day engagement with Fidelity coming up. I don’t know how much time that will end up taking. I have to start accepting the fact that I might be stuck at Oracle for some time to come and I have to learn the most from any new work that comes up.

I visited Tirumala on the weekend along with Friends. Though tiring, it was a good trip. I have made plans to visit Hyderabad this month end. I will staying there for a week.

After a lot of consideration, I agreed to the SA trip. It is going to be a costly trip and it not something I can truly afford right now. I may not have friends ready to tour with me when I do have the money for the tour though. I used Mr. B’s credit card for the flight tickets. The international tickets cost me 48638 (54042-10%) and the domestic tickets cost me about 9000.

 

SUNDAY 118

Time: 16:30
Place: Home

A long weekend this week. Didnt do a lot of productive work but spent some quality time with friends. Mr. B gave a treat yesterday at Windmills. It was fun. The gang have planned for a trip to South Africa in October. They want us to come too. I would like to go but I can’t afford the trip right now.

Wells Fargo didn’t get back to me. I will send them an email tomorrow and ask them about what is going on. The Mrs got a call for interview with Accenture. The interview might be scheduled in the coming couple of weeks. I hope it goes well for her.

OCM shadowing is about to start in the coming weeks. Its becoming very difficult to deal with now. I haven’t done much work with  Mercedes too this past few weeks. It is going to catch up on me very soon. I really need to get my act together fast.

4 day workout week. I did a good lower body workout yesterday after a long time. Legs really sore right now but its nice to get back in the groove. I need to make a 5 day workout week next week.

SUNDAY 117

Time: 09:04
Place: Home

An up and down week. I was stuck in the escalation with iQor till Monday. Tuesday was a holiday and I visited Nellore for the wedding on Wednesday. I received a call on Wednesday from Wells Fargo. They wanted to do a manager round. I attended the interview on Friday and it went well.

The problem with Wells Fargo is that the work is not that great. Its mostly going to be maintenance work on Exadata machines. The other problem is the location of the work. I can choose between Bangalore and Hyderabad but I cannot change my location once I join. That makes planning our logistics very difficult. Do I join in Bangalore and commit to being here for the next 2 years at least. Or do I join in Hyderabad in leave the Mrs. here to fend for her own.

There are some positives though. At least its not L1, L2 work. They are building a team and are planning to go up to 20 from the current 5. It would be good to join such a team. They are migrating several applications onto Exadata. This means that there is going to be a lot of work in the coming 2 years. Good job security.

I wish there were more options for me to choose from. I feel as if I am standing with my 2 feet on 2 separate boats, and the boats are moving in different directions. The escalation over the last weekend would not have happened if I had been focused on my work. OCM work will start sooner or later and I will need to get ready. I don’t have the time to dilly-dally.

I had a long discussion with the Mrs. today. We talked about what we should do if Wells did end up giving me an offer. It would be a difficult decision to make, so I gave her a week to make up her mind.

Meanwhile, I will spend as of time as possible this week preparing for the last technical round in Wells.